That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
