You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
