this boner is exhausting
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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