Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
