i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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