Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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