A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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