Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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