Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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