we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
