I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
