Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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