I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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