Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
