Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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