Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
