just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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