he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
