Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm going to jail i love you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
