I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
