no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
