I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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