i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
