Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you never un-have a 4some
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
