it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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