look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
