around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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