Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
