wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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