I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
