the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
