Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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