i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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