you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I would ride that face into the sunset
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
