Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
