Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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