It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
