Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
