I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
