dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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