i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
