I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
