If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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