NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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