i just wanna soil my oats bro
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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