If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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