i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
