You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
