Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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