Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
