i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
