I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
