The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
