My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
