eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dignity is for republicans.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
