i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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