Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
