Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Shame - the story of my life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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