She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
