You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
