should my penis look like a turkey
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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