I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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