At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
