Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
