Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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