Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
