i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
