Got a toothbrush?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
