She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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